I woke up the next morning to find lee gone and where he led was cold i got up slipped on my dressing gown and went down stairs i could here lee singing along to the radio "girl your my angel your my darlin angel" i smiled he had an amazing voice i went into the kitchen "sorry babe did i wake you" he asked "no i woke up myself and found you weren't there" i replied "yeah well i was cooking you breakfast" he said "awww lee you shouldn't have really" "well i cooking some for me and somebody else as well as you" he said "lee who's the somebody else" "hey sis" i spun round "mairi what are you doing here i thought you weren't coming until next week" i said running to hug her "i couldn't stay away a minute longer" she replied "well its a good thing your here i've missed you hunni" i replied hugging her tighter "ok let me breathe" mairi said while laughing i laughed to as i let go of her and sat down at the small kitchen table where lee had set down my plate as well as mairi's and his they sat down and we ate up th lovely breakfast lee cook "cheers darlin'" i said getting up and kissing him quickly on the cheek before running upstairs to get dressed i came down a few minutes later "its snowing outside" mairi said she'd always loved the snow "cool" i said smiling widely "might be a white january then" i replied still smiling.
Me,lee and mairi were mucking about in the snow having a snowball fight we ganged up on lee who was saying it wasn't fair when a snow ball came flying towards me and mairi we moved out the way just in time and said where the hell did that come from "hey guys" duncan said appearing i looked at mairi a huge smile was on here face "hey mairi" duncan said going over to hug her "missed ya babe" he said kissing her cheek she giggled dunk came over and hugged me "alright babe" he said "yeah" i said he had a glint in his eye probably coz mairi was back he really liked her funny as she always liked him to yet nothing happened "so glad mairi's back" i asked "yeah" duncan said excited " i mean yeah" he said less excited "you know you can't hide the fact you like her" i said "i do not" "do 2" "do not "do 2" "do not" "do 2" i said crouching down pretending to do my shoelace up but i was really scooping up a snow ball i hid it behind my back and stood up "do not" "yes you do" "don't" "do" i said lobbing the snow ball at him "oi" he said throwing one back "i'll shout it out if you do that again" i said "shout what" he said throwing another snow ball "DUNCAN LOVES MA" i started to shout but he ran over covered my mouth "ok so what if i do just keep quiet" "ok" i said in a muffled voice he took his hand away "MAIRI" i shouted "yeah" she answered "um... DUNCAN LOVES YOU" i shouted quickly "awww love you 2 dunk" she said laughing "but he does really like you" i said walking over to her "and" she said "tell him you like him 2" i replied "no" she said i took a deep breath ready to shout again "not yet but i will" she said quickly "you better" i laughed.
"Wanna come in dunk" i asked following lee into the house mairi followed me with duncan close behind we went into the kitchen "hot chocolate" lee asked us "plz" they replied "i'll make it" i said to lee going over to the kitchen unit but lee stepped infront of it "no you won't i'll make it you go sit down in the living room with them" "but..." "no buts" lee said putting his finger on my lips i rolled my eyes and turned around to go into the living room i went over to mairi "are you going to tell him now" i asked "no later" "ok i will" "your evil you know that ok i'll tell him now ok" she said "i know erm...be back in a minute" i said going out the room and sitting on the stairs "duncan theres something i wanna tell you" mairi said "whats that babe" he replied "i..i...i...love you" she stuttered i giggled quietly lee went past me carrying two hot chocolates i grabbed him and stopped him from walking in he went to say something but i put my finger to his lips silencing him "really i love you to have done for a long time" duncan answered her lee mouthed awwww as did i "can i go in now" lee asked in a whisper i nodded and he walked in to give them there hot chocolate i went to get the other two cups and went into the living room i smiled at mairi who grinned back.
As i lay in lee's arms later that night i felt a new sense of feeling it was great "lee are you awake" i whispered "huh what babe" he said looking at me i turned in his arms and picked up his hand placing it on my stomach "wh..." he was about to say "he's kicking" "he" i asked "or she" he answered "awwwww" he said as he/she kicked again "not long now little one" lee said making a tear prickle my eye "lee i love you so much" i said "i love you so much to" he replied "i wanna get married before the bump gets bigger" i said suddenly "why don't we have the wedding after its born" "because something might happen i could die" i answered "please don't say that" he answered "sorry" i apologized kissing him why did i have this feeling about me dying giving birth was it that nightmare i had last night i thought i soon drifted off to sleep after what seemed like ages.

A FEW MONTHS LATER.
It was fast approaching the due date of the baby's birth me and lee were getting very excited about it yet nervious at the same time we had the baby's room done up and everything it looked beautiful with light baby blue walls which i had also decorated with cartoon pictures of elephants,teddybears,cats,dogs and rabbits. Lee and duncan had gone out somewhere me and mairi were sat in the garden as it was the middle of june and the sun was shinning brightly for once in uk weather "so you happy with duncan" i asked mairi "yeah he's so lovely couldn't imagine life without him" she replied smiling like a cheisher cat i smiled back at here and picked up my glass of peach ice tea i loved the stuff recently "so do you think he'll ask you to move in soon" i asked "ahhh thats something i wanted to tell you" she replied "ooooooh" i said laughing "he asked me to move in with him last night at dinner" "thats great mairi i'm so happy for you" i said trying to hug her "thanks sis" she replied i smiled picking up our glasses and taken them into the kitchen "ouch" i winched in pain my stomach felt tight i put the glasses down on the side just in time as i had to grab my stomach from the pain i slowly sat down on the back door step "MAIRI" i said she looked round saw me clutching my stomach and ran over to me "i think the baby's coming" i said "oh ok i'll ring lee yeah" she said calmly i nodded my head as she past me to get to the phone "lee linzi thinks she having the baby" i heard her say she came back through "he's on his way" she said and helped me up "aaaaaaaaahh" i said clentching my fists the front door opened and lee appeared with duncan lee came over to me put his arm around my shoulders and helped me into the car "we'll drive behind ok lee mate" duncan said as lee helped me into the back seat "ok" lee said "do you want a pillow" he asked "no i'll be fine i think" i replied trying to smile lee smiled at me and closed the door climbing into the drivers side he drove off to the hospital we soon got there and lee helped me out of the car and into the main building "my fiancee's in labour" he said the nurse sat near by jumped to her feet and scurried off down the corridor she came back with a wheel chair and told me to sit down i did as i was told they whisked me off to the maternity ward "your doing fine" the midwife would say every now and again lee came through the door after filling in some forms he gave me his hand which i gripped tight "push" the midwife told me i did a few times crushing lee's hand at the same time "ok one last push" i pushed hard then heard a faint cry i looked up at lee who had tears in his eyes as he watched them take care of the baby "here you go you have a baby daughter" the midwife said placing the baby in my arms "awwww" i said as i peared at her sweet angelic face "i'm so proud of you" lee said kissing my fore-head "thank you lee" i said smiling at him "what for" "for giving me a beautiful baby daughter" i replied giving him a quick kiss "can i hold her" he said "yeah she is your daughter to" i replied passing him to her "i love you lee so much and my new baby daughter thank you for her" i managed to say before everything went black.

~LEE~
"Linzi" i said worried she had fainted on me "nurse nurse" i shouted to the nurse in the room she looked over at me then linzi she pressed a button and four or fiv odctors and nurses came in one took the baby away and another took me out of the room saying "mr ryan could you please wait outside" "what why whats happening" i said the nurse stepped back and i looked over at linzi's bed blood had soaked the sheets "please tell me she is going to be ok" i asked tears forming in my eyes "i don't know" the nurse replied and shut the door behind me i sat in the seats outside the room saw nurse's and doctors go in and out the room and nobody was telling me anything i slowly got up and went to the waiting room where mairi and duncan were waiting they jumped up as i entered "what is it lee girl,boy" mairi asked "its a beautiful girl who looks just like linzi" i said before breaking down into tears as i said her name "lee whats wrong" duncan asked "i don't know thy hurried me out the room linzi's bedsheets were soaked with blood and she had fainted" i replie bitting my knuckles "is she going to be ok" mairi asked already in tears "i don't know" i said nodding my head a doctor came into the room "mr ryan i have good and bad news the good news is you have a perfectly healthy daughter" "and the bad news" i said not wanting to know "linzi she has...."

"She has what" i interupted the doctor looked down at the floor then back up at me,duncan and mairi "passed away" he replied my eyes welled up "please tell me its not true tell me that she's in there holding our baby" i said through tears "i wish i could" the doctor replied leaving the room "no LINZI" i screamed crying harder i fell to my knees and cried into my hands "duncan the doctor didn't just say my sisters dead did he" i heard mairi say her voice quivering "i'm sorry babe" duncan replied i looked up at him he had pulled mairi into a hug i slowly got up and left the room i went down to the baby unit and looked for baby ryan i found her sleeping peacefully i gently picked her up she was the only part of linzi i had left i rocked her from side to side until a nurse came through "i'm so sorry mr ryan" she said "i've thought of a name for her" i said "what" the nurse asked holding a pen to the birth cetificate "chloe marie ryan" the nurse noted this down and left the ward leaving me to gather my thoughts with chloe looking down at her face i realized she had to say goodbye to her mother as well as i did i walked out the room and found the doctor who told me about linzi "where is she i want to say goodbye" i asked the doctor nodded and led me to linzi's room i walked slowly over to the bed balanced chloe on my arm and took linzi hand with the other one it was stone cold "linzi we will miss you i don't know how i'll be able to go on without you in my life i want you back in my life why did you have to leave for good leaving me with our daughter the only thing i have left of you" i paused as i let some more tears slip down my face chloe gurgled quietly i kissed the top of linzi's head and left the room what has my life come to now i've lost the love of my life.

It had been two weeks since linzi's death and her funeral was this afternoon i couldn't take it i wanted to kill myself so i could be with her but i couldn't i had to look after chloe i sighed to myself "it'll be alright lee your get through this" duncan said patting me on the back "i don't know if i will dunk" i said tears rolling down my cheeks then i heard chloe crying in the other room i walked into her room and picked her up "shh hunni it'll be alright" i shhed her while rocking her gently "i miss her to" i said wiping my eyes with my spare hand "so do i" i heard a voice behind me "she was the only family i had left and now she's gone to" mairi said sniffing "you've got chloe" i said trying to sound positive "yeah i know but she's a baby i can't exactly talk to her like i would linzi" mairi said crying "you can talk to me babe" duncan said coming into the room and pulling her into a hug watching them i got a sense of jealousy not of duncan and mairi but wishing why couldn't that be me and linzi anymore she left me with #out any explaination i thought back to her last words they hadn't left me "i love you lee so much and my new baby daughter thank you for her" i shut my eyes tight to stop myself from crying "lee the cars here" duncan said i opened my eyes and went downstairs out the door and climed into the awaiting car the hurse was infront seeing her coffin made me cry even more "you'll get through this" duncan said reasuring me well at least trying to "yeah" i said smiling weakly we got to the church the service was heart felt i looked around the church and saw all of the people who wante to pay their last respects to linzi she had a lot of friends everybody loved her warm personality but nobody loved her as much as i did and still do her favourite song played at the end

As long as you love me

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leavin' my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

I don't care who you are (who you are)
Where you're from (where you're from)
What you did
As long as you love me (I don't know)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you're from (where you're from)
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me (yeah)

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you're comin from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby

I don't care who you are (who you are)
Where you're from (where you're from)
What you did
As long as you love me (as long as you love me)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you're from (where you're from)
Don't care what you did (yeah)
As long as you love me (as long as you love me)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are (who you are)
Where you're from (where you're from)
As long as you love me
Who you are
As long as you love me
What you did (I don't care)
As long as you love me

Backstreet boys As long as you love me

As they lowered the coffin into the ground i realized i'd had enough i had to be on my own "duncan will you look after chloe for me" i said passing her to him "why where are you going" he asked "just need time on myown won't be long" i said leaving the church yard and going to the park i sat on our bench and looked around saw children playing couples walking around hand in hand then i looked at the tree beside the bench carved out linzi and lee 4eva in a heart i cried more my eyes stung from the crying "why did you have to leave me why" i cried into my hands the wind howled harder even though it was now july i looked back up running my hands down my face onto my neck i looked beside me a piece of paper led on the bench with me name on it i opened it and read...
Dear Lee
I'm sorry i had to leave it wasn't my decision it was gods maybe he decided it was best for me to leave i miss you terribly each day i'll be watching over you and our beautiful daughter chloe take care of her you'll survive through this learn to breathe easy without me being by your side i'll always be with you and chloe in spirit don't ever forget that.
Love you with all my heart
Love Linzi.

A tear slipped down my cheek but also a slight smile came across my face it was her way of saying good-bye she really was watching over me and chloe as she didn't know her name i looked back at the tree that had our names carved in i saw it had changed a little she must have done it as it now said linzi and lee 4eva and baby chloe i got up off the bench and walked back to the church yard people had began to leave i looked around for duncan and mairi they were still stood by linzi grave crying i reached them and took chloe from duncan's arms then told duncan and mairi all about the note "well mate its true she'll always be watching over you" duncan said patting me lightly on the back as we walked out the church yard and to where linzi's wake was being held.

A few days had past now since linzi's funeral and i hadn't had another visit from her but i sensed that she was there sometimes watching over us i was in the kitchen fixing a bottle for chloe whilest listening to the radio i sat the bottle in a jug of cold water and ran upstairs to get chloe and as i re-approached the kitchen an appropriate song came onto the radio i picked up the bottle and put some milk on my wrist to check the temperature it was just right so i put the bottle into chloes mouth and began to feed her i sat down on a chair and took in the lyrics.


Yeah, this right here goes out to everyone who's lost someone that they
truly loved....
Check it out....

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hanging on the block for dough
Notorius they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be
Words can't express what you mean to me
Even though you're gone we still a team
Through your family I'll fulfill your dreams
In the future can't wait to see if you'll
Open up the gates for me
Reminisce sometime the night they took my friend
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life after death


Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Everytime I pray
I'll be missing you

Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you

(We miss you, Big....)

It's kinda hard wit you not around
Know you in Heaven smiling down
Watching us while we pray for you
Everyday we pray for you
Till the day we meet again
In my heart is where I keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts, Big, I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us and the six shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taping flics
Making hits, stages they receive you on
Still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life after death

Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Everytime I pray
I'll be missing you

Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you

Somebody tell me why...

One black morning
When this life is over
I know, I'll see your face

Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day

Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Everytime I pray
I'll be missing you

Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you

"I'll be missing you" i said the last line as i looked up into the sky tears fell from my eyes my eyes widened as a message wrote in the clouds "I'll be missing you 2" i smiled lightly "I'll be missing you" i said again as i got and went to out chloe back in her cot i went back downstairs to answer the phone which was ringing "hello" i said "I'll be missing you" i heard linzi's voice sound down the phone then it went dead i sighed deeply this was starting to frighten me slightly but i knew she was watching over me and chloe or maybe i could go to her yeah me,her and chloe could be a family again alls i had to do was die then we'd be together again as a family the phone rang again i picked it up "don't even think about it i want you to live your life" linzi voice sounded own the phone again i wasn't gonna just listen to her i was going to go to her.
I'm so confused on what to do i can't go on living without linzi in my life lying beside me at night i need her so, so badly tears slipped down my cheeks i really need her in my life or shall i say after-life. I picked up the phonebooks and started searching for a number to order a deadly posion i was searching for well over and hour before i came across the number i picked up the phone and punched in the number "hello welcome to the posion society please place your order" an answer machine asked "i would like a bottle of your deadly posion delivered to....." "thanks for you order" the answer machine cut in after i finished speaking "allow 28 dyas delivery" i hung up the phone i'd done it i was one step closer to linzi i felt weird knowing i was about to kill myself and chloe to be with the love of my life once again...


28 Days Later
Just as the message said wait 28 days delivery it arrived i went into the kitchen with the package fixed chloe her bottle and poured in some of the posion i did up the lid and put it in her changing bag i ran upstairs to get her i carefully lifted her out saying "we're gonna be with mummy soon" i smiled as i carried her downstairs picked up the bag which i left on the kithen table and went outside to be greeted by mairi and duncan "hey lee we were just coming to see you" duncan said smiling "oh right well sorry guys but i'm going to see linzi's grave and i want to be on my own could you come back later" i said politly "sure" mairi said "thanks bye" i said hugging them slightly i got to the grave yard and walked up to where linzi's grave was under a blossom tree with an angel grave stone i sat down crossed legged and started to write a note to duncan,mairi and the rest i set it next to the gravestone and put a small stone on top to stop it from blowing away i then got out chloe's bottle it was about 2 cm away from her mouth when it got hard i couldn't really do this could i but i had to be with linzi....
I'd made up my mind Chloe was now drinking from the bottle it was to late now soon she would be gone she had finished the bottle i held her in my arms and watched painfully as her eyes diluted and slowly closed as she took her last breath "go to mummy" i said kissing her forehead. Now it was my turn i got the small bottle of posion took off the lid and poured it into my mouth the posion was causingme agony but i didn't care i really needed to be with linzi dead or alive i took one last look around the graveyard then back to linzi's gravestone then i was stood infront of the most beautiful woman in the whole universe she wore a long white dress and held the cutest baby in her arms it was of course the love of my life Linzi and our baby Chloe i ran to her and hugged them both we looked back down to earth and saw mine and Chloe's bodies led on top of linzi's grave two people ran up to the bodies they were Duncan and Mairi.

DUNCAN
"OMG i can't believe he's done this" i cried looking at the bodies of Lee and Chloe "here i found this" Mairi said passing a piece of paper to me it read...

Dear Duncan,Mairi and everyone else
I'm sorry i've had to do this i really can not go on without Linzi in my life so i took my own and Chloe's life with posion so we could be back with her we will always always miss you i'm really sorry but my life really wasn't worth living anymore as Linzi was my life and will now be my life after death please forgive me for what i have done
Love to you all
Love Lee and Chloe
"He really did miss her that much"" i cried "yeah i know" mairi was now crying "we have to go tell the others" i said choking on my words Mairi nodded and slowly got up we started to walk away to find the others and tell them of this tradgedy.
Lee wrapped his arms around me and chloe.
"I've missed you so much" he said "me to but you still shouldn't of took your own life to be with me" i replied hugging him tighter lee began to sing in my ear...




When you're alone
I want you to know
I'll be back some day

When you're alone
I want you to know
I'll be back some day

It's time for me to have to go
Away for so long
To make our own paradise
But dreams don't come easy you've gotta believe me
You know this deep inside

But it's not long now
Till I'm on my way
I keep wishing tomorrow was yesterday
You're my everything
That won't disappear
Girl you've got nothing to fear


If you're alone, I want you to know I'll be back someday
Don't you ever let go
Baby, hold tight through the cold lonely night
Just wait for me till I get home
When you're on your own
I want you to know
I'll be there for you, I could never let go
I realise that you want me to stay
But hold on
I'll be back someday Be back someday, someday.

When I return, I wanna see
This beautiful baby who's still loving me
With tears in her eyes but a smile on her face
Impatiently we'll embrace

But it's not long now
Till' I'm on my way
I keep praying tomorrow was yesterday
You're my everything that won't disappear
Girl you've got nothing to fear

If you're alone, I want you to know I'll be back someday
Don't you ever let go
Baby, hold tight through the cold lonely night
Just wait for me till I get home
When you're on your own
I want you to know
I'll be there for you, I could never let go
I realise that you want me to stay
But hold on
I'll be back someday Be back someday, someday.

And when I go, I'll be loving you still
Baby you will never know, just how lonely I'll feel
You know I really gotta go, but I wish I could stay
Hold on, just hold on, I'll be back

If you're alone, I want you to know I'll be back someday
Don't you ever let go
Baby, hold tight through the cold lonely night
Just wait for me till I get home
When you're on your own
I want you to know
I'll be there for you, I could never let go
I realise that you want me to stay
But hold on
I'll be back someday Be back someday, someday.

Back down to earth Duncan had just finished telling the tradgic news to simon,antony lee's mum,dad and sister "he really loved her that much" antony said as a stray tear left his eye the room was left in silence as they remembered lee's life how he was so happy-go-lucky until it all ended this day.

If you're alone, I want you to know I'll be back someday
Don't you ever let go
Baby, hold tight through the cold lonely night
Just wait for me till I get home
When you're on your own
I want you to know
I'll be there for you, I could never let go
I realise that you want me to stay
But hold on
I'll be back someday Be back someday, someday

Lee clasped my hand in his as we walked towards the pearly white gates this was our home now forever we shall be together even if it is through the clouds i always felt i was on cloud nine with lee anyway but now we actually were and we had our gorgeous baby girl with us.